Missing the Boat.

Well it's April.  The month I was supposed to run my first ever half marathon.  But as life has a tendency to happen, I hit a snag along the way a couple months back.  Sometime around the first part of February I was super pumped to head out for my first 10 mile run.  I didn't quite make it that far.  I should have stopped at 3 miles, but I kept pushing it, as a lot of crazy runners probably would have, and made it to 8.5 miles, then limped the last 2 miles home.  I thought it was just tendonitis or something and took a good 2 week break, took it really easy.   I was upset with myself because I had known I needed new shoes for at least 2 months but kept putting it off and it had become very apparent over the course of the last few weeks of running that my shoes just weren't cutting it.  So I went out and got some new shoes.  It was really hard to try on shoes when I couldn't really run, I tried but it wasn't great.  So I thought I'd take it slow and try a couple easy runs.  The first two went ok, but I wasn't sure about the shoes, but I figured they would need some time for breaking in.  So I went out a third time and this time it wasn't so good.  Over the next few days things just got progressively worse to the point that I finally broke down and called a doctor.  Ended up being a good thing too.  I had myself a nice little stress fracture.  Lovely, because that was honestly the very first thought that went through my mind on that fateful Saturday morning when I hit mile 3.  I thought to myself, "Oh no!  I sure hope I don't have a stress fracture.  I can't.  What if I can't run?"  So the doctor wrapped my foot up and gave me a lovely little sandal to wear.  I'm not going to lie folks.  This little bugger of an injury hurt like the dickens.  I keep telling myself there's some lessons I must need to be learning from all of this.  I knew an injury like this was bound to happen at some point.  I was just hoping it would be later, rather than sooner.  But, who knows.  Maybe sooner is better than later.

For one thing, this has shown me just how much running has come to mean to me.  It has been so hard for me not to run.  But, at the same time, I haven't been willing to go against dr.'s orders because I'm taking it seriously.  I want this taken care of right so that I will be able to have a whole life ahead of me of running.  I would never have thought I would say this, but I have actually started crying when I am driving down the road and I see someone out running and I know I can't run too.  It's killing me.  How crazy is that?!?

I have had lots of people comment to me about how inspiring this all is and stuff.  But guess what guys?  Confession time.  My motivation through all of this has been seriously lacking.  I thought that I could at least hop on the bike trainer a couple times a week and maybe do a little pilates or yoga, or strength training.  Yeah right.  Instead, I have been sitting here stuffing my fat face.  I have good news though.  After 3 1/2 weeks in the wrap (+ the 3 weeks before I went to the doctor), I am finally free and I went for my first walk a few days ago, my first steps back.  So it was just a leisurely walk around the neighborhood, but it was such a beautiful night out and it gave me back some much needed perspective.  In fact, maybe that's what all of this has been about.  Maybe I have needed a big scoop of fresh perspective.  I have been so driven to hit my goal of running one race each month until the Paralympics and I really put a lot of pressure on myself over that because of how much my sister (and hero) Nicole means to me and how much I wanted to do something to show her my support.  And honestly, a little selfishly probably, because I thought it might make her proud of me.  There I said it.  And then I wanted so bad to push my limits, just like she always does, by taking on a half marathon and running Ragnar in June (yeah, that's out too, oh well).  I had this place in my head where I couldn't even imagine not doing any of those things.  The thought was unacceptable to me.  Like, this whole thing would have been a failure if I didn't live up to my expectations, even though I know that's absurd.  I was so afraid of letting Nicole, and everyone else who has been so supportive, down.  But, as a few have reminded me, things like this happen.  I'm not letting anyone down because I got an injury.  Athletes get injured all the time, teams come in last place, and you know what?  They come back.  Remarkably, they work through set-backs.  I think I felt like I had this, it's-now-or-never kind of mindset.  But it's always Now!  I guess maybe that's the point.  I have put my whole heart into this.  I really have.  When I started, Nicole had been away from the competition scene for an entire season and had barely even made it on to the snow at all in the entire previous year.  She was feeling a little bit down and out to be honest.  I really felt like I could do something to give her a boost.  And I think I have done that.

Here are some of the things she's been up to.  She demoed a sweet new knee in competition, and while she didn't have her best runs, she fell lots, it was a fabulous way to start out her competition season.  To be fair, it was a brand new knee to her, she hadn't had any time to train on it and it is a completely different kind of prosthetic than the one she has always used in the past so I think it is amazing she could just strap on a totally foreign piece of equipment and head right out there with all of the other snowboarders.  She placed 3rd in Copper Colorado and was invited to compete at the Slovenia World Cup, where she placed 4th.  Then she was off to the Canadian World Cup and had a fantastic race.  She had a 2nd place finish in a 4X4 heat (4 racers head to head), despite being the last one out of the gate.  And her official standing is 3rd in the US and 4th in the World!

I have had a number of people say I have inspired them to start running too.  The only person that I had actually follow all the way through to a race had been my awesome niece Megan.  But I am now very happy to report that it is a coworker who has been working on the running goal for awhile that is the one who will be pulling me out of this low point.  She invited me to join her for the SLC Color Me RAD 5k on June 22nd.  And the cool thing is there's a bunch of cool ladies that want to do it, so we have a whole team to run.  This is awesome because June 22nd is the same day as Ragnar, which is a team relay I was supposed to be running.  Something you should know about me is that I happen to be someone that believes things happen for a reason and that things aren't just a coincidence so my thanks goes out to Meghan Eames.  I think you are just awesome for sticking with it over the long run.  I really, really needed this the day you posted it!

I'm still not completely sure about my foot.  It still has some pain and I don't know if it is because it is weak now or what.  My legs feel like they're going to give out on me any minute.  I've got some work to do to get my head back in the game.  I will be doing the 5k in June, even if I have to walk across the finish line.  I will tell you that I am not the same person that stepped on to the treadmill about 10 months ago now.  This is quite a journey I've been on this past year.  I have learned a lot of things.  And I have a feeling there are still a lot of things running has yet to teach me.

In case you'd like to get a peek at Nicole on her snowboard, here is a little video of her demo-ing the Bartlett Tendon Knee.  As you can see, she was born to ride.  Check it out on her website at
http://www.nicoleroundy.com/bartlett-tendon-demo-day/

And for your listening and viewing pleasure I have chosen to end with a catchy little tune, In The Middle by Jimmy Eat World.  I think it fits today's theme quite nicely and I had to use this video just because it is absolutely ridiculous and will likely cause seizures and had me ROFL.  And I could use a good laugh these days to boost my morale.  How about you?  I hope you enjoy but don't blame me for any medical emergencies it may induce.